However two years is quite a long time to go without the affirmation of the endearing "L" word. I regularly tell him how I feel along with saying "I love you" before the end of every conversation over the phone. We have spoken on the topic many times especially recently. Each time the discussion is started, it seems to go in a circular pattern; where I speak my feelings and he does not.
His response is that he wants to be sure of his love for me before he "throws THE word around.
He seems to firmly believe that 2 years isn't enough time to "know for sure. This man could be absent a ring, financial stability, and his stunning physical features and I would still say yes to a proposal. He is my best friend wrapped in a handsom, caring, masculine package. There is no one else on this planet that I would prefer to spend every minute of everyday with. Words do not even need to be present for him to make me smile. Yet, here I am. I am trapped in this cycle of questioning myself and our relationship.
I could not imagine life without him, yet I also cannot imagine loving him while he does not love me for another day. Everyday I make a choice to enjoy what we have, instead of breaking down to tears. It truly hurts that he does not speak the words. He is a different person, who lacks the ability to translate his feelings towards me into words. Could it be that powerful to end what I see to be so perfect otherwise? I struggle with the lack of the "L" word daily. I cannot make him say it, so aside from backing off and holding my tongue, I am truly at a loss. I cannot hold out much longer.
Have things changed for you? Did you ever get the L word? My boyfriend has been burned in two marriages. He told me 9 months wasn't long enough to really know someone. He blames not saying the L word on the fact that he has been burned and has trouble trusting. Otherwise, he treats me like gold and is very attentive. We have a great relationship.
He drives over an hour to see me a couple of times a week. What gets me is that he has planned to purchase a home near me here in Texas.
When does not saying "I love you" in a relationship become a legitimate issue?
He admits that he wants us to "build a life together. It has been almost 18 months. I want so badly to hear the words. I've thought of giving him an ultimatum, but he is stubborn and prideful, so I'm afraid I might lose him. I've been dating my friend for about nine months. I'm 34 and he's We have known each other for a least 5 years although the first two, I was in a bad emotionally abusive relationship. After my ex and I broke up, he was just someone I considered as a friend up until last year. I was aware of his feelings for me but at the time I was not into him.
I considered him a friend and that was it. Then I don't know I just started developing feelings for him. I guess I just thought our relationship would take off but lately I feel like he isn't as interested. I've addressed it and he said he thought we were fine. I even confessed my love today and instead of saying it back he makes a joke out of my memes that was attached to text I read your response to the young lady in a similar situation.
Now I'm wondering should I let go while I can or not. I am at a loss for what I am feeling. I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months and I love him dearly. Back in January I told him I was in love with him and wanted to know how he felt and what he wanted or where he seen this relationship going and he told me he needed to think about it.
They returned with a I don't know but I know that I don't love you. So I walked away broken hearted a few weeks later he was calling and asking me to come over so we started spending a lot of time together and planning for the future. We ate looking at getting a house together but I'm not sure if we should if he can't or don't love me.
I tell him I love him daily without a reply verbally but he does things for me that make me feel loved so I just don't know what to do. This speaks to me so much. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 10 months. We have made each other happy I've been told many times that I have brought fun back into his life and that he cares for me deeply. Yesterday he sat me down and we had a really hard rel conversation.
He told me that he feels like by the 10 month mark he should have the feeling of love for me but he doesn't. We have had several conversations about the L word in the past and he's told me that he doesn't know what being in love means anymore. He has recently ended a 12 year relationship 6 months before we got together. In my opinion he does love me he shows me everyday I think he's very confused as to what love is,I think he's waiting on some magical feeling to sweep over him I don't know I might be naive and it might be wishful thinking I'm just not ready to give up on him yet He told me last night he's not ready to just let this relationship go.
But how long is too long? Is there such a thing when your with a person who makes you so incredibly happy and fits you in every way????????? This is pretty much my issue word-for-word except me and my boyfriend broke up thanks to him not knowing if he loved me or what he wanted from a relationship. We had an amazing relationship, made each other happy and I could tell he loved me. I am with my boyfriend for officially a year 1 and 4 months since we started dating.
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I told him ages ago about after 7months of being together that I loved him, but never heard anything back. It didn't really bother me, as he's such a good person, cares about be, supports me. But at one pointed it got stuck in my head so much I had to speak to him. Unfortunately, he's absolutely terrible when it comes to expressing his emotions. He avoided the subject for a long time. Once, we got a chance to discuss it, he said he's not sure what he's feeling right now. Also said, he wants to be with me and cares about me.
He also 'compared' our relationship to his ex ones and said when he looks at it now, he never really was in love. So, that's why he doesn't really know what he's feeling. I am currently staying at his for 3 months, we get on together so well and these words are stuck in my head and I feel like they will never go away, and staying here makes me feel such big pressure. I thought it was fine with me if he's not ready yet, but I just can't stop thinking about it.
I don't wanna make fool of myself. It's all so confusing, like his actions say he loves me but he's not able to say it. As much as I wanna be with him, do I really can handle it? It's so confusing because they say "Don't believe his words, believe his action. But ha said he doesn't love me and it has been over eight months, if he feels, he knows. That broke me cause I still here, believing his action but his words said no? He had been in bad relationships before and got his new definition of love that seems complicated and wrong to me.
I feel like he already loves me but he thinks he doesn't. This is a must read testimony by everyone, I am here to let the whole world know about a man that saved my relationship and this great man is called Dr Eziza. Indeed he did a great job for me by bringing back my ex lover who left me and promise never to return back to me again.
With this i have come to realize that given out Dr Eziza details to the world will do a lot of good to those having a broken home or relationship for him to help you fix up that broken relationship or marriage of yours. You can reach him through his email address ezizaoguntemple gmail. Good day to you all reading this, I am Mary Smith.
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Long Term Couples Who Haven't Said "I Love You" Yet - HelloGiggles
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Hooray for The System! So I have a partner, lets call them Alex. We have been together for 2 years.
I said "I love you" for the first time over a year ago. If this is a problem i. The problem is, Alex has never said more than "I like you" although acts as though they care about me. Alex has explicitly stated in the past that they don't wish to talk in terms of the future once, awhile ago although I first met Alex's parents over a year ago. Alex has also been stressed a lot lately, so I assumed that the stressors were a more immediate concern, and that once that quietened down Alex might come around to using the "L word".
Alex has never been very affectionate vocally, although is affectionate otherwise physically, as well as doing things like going out of their way to help me. Although concern has been shown in the past, recently Alex has decided that it's probably better that my parents are not so open to meeting my partner. It may also be important to mention that the last ex of Alex's was a nasty piece of work, and I think that might be why Alex is not very vocally affectionate now. Although I'm not sure Alex is consciously aware of it, if it is the case. In general, there is little to complain about in my relationship.
I would like to know if a future together is even a possibility or if this will always be one of those "just having fun for now" things. Am I over reacting? Should I just give it more time? If I do bring the conversation up, what would be the best time?
A two year relationship without hearing a single 'I love you' is a serious issue in my opinion, regardless of the genders of any of the participants. I would open up lines of communication with my partner on this issue and see how it goes. Counseling might also be somewhere to go from there. Bedlam Registered User regular. Two years seems like a long time for just having fun.
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Have you tried talking to Alex directly about your feelings? Sentry Registered User regular.
Yeah, this is one of those things that needs a conversation. There are red flags here which may have an explanation or may not be a big deal, but unless you talk it out you'll never know. Being together for two years but never talking in terms of the future seems like a bigger deal to me then not using the L word, but honestly those two issues are probably pretty related.
When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob? As long as he is effectionate otherwise I wouldn't worry about it. Fonjo Registered User regular. I don't know, angry-muffin. I was in a relationship for the better part of a year, and while we communicated pretty regularly, and saw a lot of each other, I never said "I love you" I was fond of her, sure, and I really enjoyed spending time together in a more than "just having fun" way, but I never really crossed any threshold into what I would describe as actual love.
If the answer to the former is yes, that is difficult, but something you may be able to move past by some open communication. Some communication with Alex is absolutely necessary, but it really needs to be augmented with some examination about what is important to you, going forward.
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Long Term Couples Who Haven't Said "I Love You" Yet
There is no time frame. I'll admit that I personally believe 2 years is a long time for that to never even be a thing. They seem like they don't really care enough about the relationship. Voice your opinion to them, though. If they're reasonable they should explain why. If they avoid it or attack you, then, by all means, make a decision from there. Are you a gay couple? Gay couples have terrible intimacy issues and all kinds of masculinity ideals that really screw with how a good relationship should function.
Did you ever ask your partner if he loves you? If he does but doesn't say it often then that is one thing. If he avoids it all together, it is a symptom of something far more complicated. Usagi Nah Registered User regular. January edited January Well, it becomes a legitimate issue whenever it starts to bother one of the people in the relationship, there is no set timeframe for when certain relationship milestones have to be achieved.
So I'll echo everything that naporeon said, and then add that it's important that both you and Alex want the same thing out of the relationship. So sit down and have a talk with Alex, outline what you've been feeling, ask where they'd like the relationship to go, and then measure that against your expectations and needs. Usagi on January Why not just ask them if they love you? Two years seems like plenty of time to know. EggyToast Registered User regular. If there is something about your relationship that makes it socially unacceptable to some people, regardless of what that circumstance is, then that changes things.
It doesn't matter what the something is -- you could be dating someone of the same gender while living in Missouri, or someone of a different skin color in Alabama, or whatever.
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Maybe one of you is from an orthodox religious family and your relationship is somewhat frowned upon. Whatever the reason, if there is a reason, then that explains somewhat why this person feels that they can't plan strongly for the future, don't want to be all "i love you" all the time, or whatever. It warrants discussion, but don't be surprised if that sort of stuff comes up. If you are in an otherwise normal relationship, as in you and your partner are dating and your parents and friends are all cool with it and you're cool with it, then this does raise red flags. As an anecdote, I've known a few people who do the "I don't want to make any big decisions" with their partner and the relationship goes on for years and suddenly they break up and they're much happier.
I have one friend who dated a girl from, like, age 19 to age She moved to his college, but for years they lived in separate apartments, even across multiple moves each. Eventually, he bought a house entirely in his name and she moved in, and a year later they broke up. He said he just didn't "feel like he was into it. He said she wanted kids pretty badly and he wasn't sure that's what he wanted, and wasn't sure what was next in the relationship. When they broke up a couple months later, I wasn't too surprised, but I was amused when he got into his next relationship and was married and with a kid in under 2 years!
In both situations, one person liked the relationship, thought it was enjoyable, but wasn't really into it. They didn't really want to change things and they enjoyed spending time with their partner, but after some years they realized that they simply didn't love the other person. For some people, it takes a long time to realize what "love" feels like, and that's not wrong.
For others, they realize quickly, but it may not be as strong.
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- When does not saying "I love you" in a relationship become a legitimate issue? — Penny Arcade.
There's an entire spectrum of how people feel and how they express themselves, and it's not always "the L word. Dude has crazy eyebrows. Just because they didn't say "love" didn't mean they didn't love each other, though -- they just didn't vocalize it, or thought that the "L-word" was a big deal. That doesn't mean that you're supposed to just sit there and take it.
If you're feeling like chopped liver because your partner expresses their feelings for you in a shitty way, it's in your right to bring it up and, if nothing happens, you're free to move on and seek a partner that fulfills your needs. Zombie Nirvana Registered User regular. I suspect this relationship isn't going anywhere.